Shadow of One's Self

I learned much from my father. He always had something to say about life. A little lesson wrapped up in each friendly bit of conversation. His bits of wisdom, no matter their relevance (or lack there of) in reality are mixed in with the mortar that secures the stones of the foundation of the rationality that shelters my emotional self.

The piece of wisdom that has been strong in my mind in recent weeks haunts my mental serenity. "Your reputation may precede you," he told me on one occasion, "but you are only as good as what you do now. You may have been the best yesterday, but what are you today? What will you be tomorrow?"

I ask myself, "Sister Crow, what has become of the perfectionist in you? What have you accomplished lately? Do you have any goals?"

I admonish myself, "Even your reputation of exceptionality has faded to a hardly remembered ghost of a once was fleeting thought."

I encourage myself, "You can do anything."

I taunt myself, "But you have to start by doing something."

I laugh at myself, "Only a fool does not know what she wants."

And I steal my nerves; a promise made is a grand commitment. A promise to one's self is the easiest (and most disappointing) to break. I resolve to do something worthy of my past reputation. The past is gone, the future is as likely to be worse as it is to be better. The present is the only true representation of self in reality.