Poisoning One's Self

For pleasure it's a drink, a sniff, a smoke.
For others it's a bad joke.
For safety or immunity it's a slow, constant, pain.
For revenge it's insane.

With narcotics it's a crazy trip-- sometimes good and sometimes the best bad ever had.
With guilt it's drag on the victim and the surrounding environment.
With electricity or lethal drugs in non-lethal doses, it's pending success.
With mental turmoil it's probably better to vent.

With hormones to prevent what you want to come one day anyway,
it is painful killing easy smiles each day.
With diet pills to remove what the years have given to one's gut and thigh,
it is unhealthy, but "At least," you tell yourself, "I try."
With cigarette smoke only to give you something to do,
it is a habit you could break, but you don't want to.

With guilt, it's beyond your control.
With love, you can damage your eternal soul.
With hate, you are eating away your mental stability.
With motivation, you challenge your limited abilitiy.

With banality in life, boredom is more dangerous than strife.
With adrenaline, you could kill your own life.

We all do it;
we judge each other--hypocrit
pointing fingers at hypocrits
Wearing each shoe that fits.

Beautiful Confidence

A Beautiful Con is executed perfectly. It is enacted without a glitch or a hitch for all to see.
The confidence man (or woman) earns respect when the mark (poor fool) doesn't expect.
The ridicule cannot fall on the criminal's head; when done right he's honored instead.
Smarter than the average man, with charisma the crowd forgives ya.
And the cost of the props and profit too--tax free. A beautiful con ends precisely.
Although tempting, one must not wait for just one more dime to add to the pile.
Over is over--walk away and smile.
When the statute of limitations passes, the best criminals awe the masses
with their tales of immoral and illegal atrocities.
A confidence man knows and owns his true self complete;
He only hides his face when casting his newest feat.
A beautiful con holds more reverence than
any of nature's perfect creations can.

But a con man knows himself and owns himself.
A petty criminal who pretends to be a saint
is really just a taint
on a flawed but enamoured society.
So despicable, he tells himself he is what he ain't.

Lie to the masses. Lie to the church. Lie to the law.
Deceive your children. Deceive your wife.
But no one can deceive all
because self deception comes before one's true fall.

Shadow of One's Self

I learned much from my father. He always had something to say about life. A little lesson wrapped up in each friendly bit of conversation. His bits of wisdom, no matter their relevance (or lack there of) in reality are mixed in with the mortar that secures the stones of the foundation of the rationality that shelters my emotional self.

The piece of wisdom that has been strong in my mind in recent weeks haunts my mental serenity. "Your reputation may precede you," he told me on one occasion, "but you are only as good as what you do now. You may have been the best yesterday, but what are you today? What will you be tomorrow?"

I ask myself, "Sister Crow, what has become of the perfectionist in you? What have you accomplished lately? Do you have any goals?"

I admonish myself, "Even your reputation of exceptionality has faded to a hardly remembered ghost of a once was fleeting thought."

I encourage myself, "You can do anything."

I taunt myself, "But you have to start by doing something."

I laugh at myself, "Only a fool does not know what she wants."

And I steal my nerves; a promise made is a grand commitment. A promise to one's self is the easiest (and most disappointing) to break. I resolve to do something worthy of my past reputation. The past is gone, the future is as likely to be worse as it is to be better. The present is the only true representation of self in reality.